First of all I have to say that this post will be written bilingually. English & Indonesian. Kedua, dari sabtu dalam bulan oktober kemaren, gw dan Voni pergi ke kaliurang, and we talked about things, for like 6 hours. Sharing thoughts and feelings. Dan setelah puas ngobrol sampe subuh dan ngabisin uang untuk nongkrong, kita akhirnya pulang ke kosan. And frankly, the journey from there to our own bedsit is what this post is all about.
Sebenarnya dua minggu sebelum hari itu gw dan voni juga naik turun kaliurang pakai motor, but the air was colder somehow. Gw yang dua minggu lalu cuma pake baju tipis masih lebih bisa menahan rasa dingin daripada gw yang kemarin. Tangan gw (dan kemungkinan tangan voni juga) nyaris beku dan sesekali kita berdua berteriak-teriak menyuarakan protes tubuh terhadap dinginnya udara, tapi subuh itu gw tersenyum. Tersenyum karena, dari hasil obrolan selama enam jam itu gw sudah menyimpulkan bahwa gw akhirnya merasa lepas dari dia. Ya, selama ini juga lepas sih, tapi kadang in the back of my head I still believe that he is my Robin. That I will end up like Ted at the end of himym, still pining over Robin. Anyway, malam itu gw yakin, bahwa gw nickname Robin wasn't suitable for him anymore.
Angin berderu-deru di telinga gw, dan untuk pertama kalinya pada hari itu gw mendongakkan kepala buat memandang langit. Subuh itu langitnya bener-bener clear dan bintang bertaburan di langit. And I just can't help but gawked at the magnificent sky. I said to her "gila, bintangnya." And heard a vague agreement from her. So I held my head up for a couple more minutes, soaking up the sheer beauty presented before me. And then it hit me, that the sky reminds me of Van Gogh's painting: Starry Night.
I've been Van Gogh's fan since I was 8, and I can't stress enough that Starry Night was the painting that eased me into loving Van Gogh's work. The way he can capture the different shades of blues, whites, and yellows, like the world was so much colourful in his eyes.
I shivered. Not at the sheer coldness of the air, but at something else.
My train of thoughts led me from his painting to his life. Van Gogh spend his life unappreciated. He trade his paintings for food. And not all of them accept the painting, because people said his paintings weren't great. People laughed at him. Mocked him for his paintings. And he lived his whole life never knowing that his paintings in the far future are one of the cornerstone in the art world. Never knowing that people called him genius and yet he still produce paintings because he loves art. He paint simply because he loves painting. And I thought about myself, about how I never finish my works, my stories and my drawings because sometimes I feel under appreciated. And I was so ashamed. And that's why I wanna restart my project. I want to finish something that I do. I desperately need to, regardless of what people would think about my work.
As I was deep in my own thought, I heard voni's voice carried by the wind. She said "look at that old guy." And I look at him. He was pushing down a cart, getting ready for work I guess. "That man was out this early for work and here we are." She said again. I haven't thought about what did we do that way, but it kind of ironic. I replied something along the line of "yeah, the way we spend money for fun until this late and the way he work for money this early." I don't know whether my comment was either to weak for her to hear or she just didn't want to prolong our discussion about that, but she didn't say anything.
I looked at the sky and once again awed by the stars. It was, the stars was, shining brightly. Almost every time I went home late, which is almost every other night, I stared at the sky for, like, hours. So I don't quite know what ticked me, but that night, wasn't just 'oh look! The sky's pretty' it's, idk feels very magical. It's a bit different from the stars that I usually saw in the city, dimmed and so small. I know why the stars in the city looks a little dim. Itu karena polusi cahaya. Karena manusia membutuhkan penerangan untuk melakukan pekerjaannya, dan karena kegelapan terkadang menakutkan. I looked at the stars and I cried. Tears steadily pouring down my cheek. Gw menangis karena kadang gw lupa bahwa dunia ini indah. Gw terlalu sibuk dengan apa saja yang gw kerjakan, entah mengerjakan tugas, baca fanfic, nonton film, atau apalah. Terlalu sibuk untuk sekedar melihat ke langit. Mengagumi pemandangan yang diberikan secara gratis oleh Allah. And it makes me think about other things thay God gives us. The air. The warm but not burning, the cool and yet not freezing earth. The water. The natural sources in any kind. We humans takes all thoe things for granted.
I was back in my own thought about Van Gogh. He saw the world that way because he have eyes trained to see things that sometimes we over looked. I don't know if any of this make sense, but that's what I got from 40 minutes journey from Kaliurang. And I know that somehow this little thing, like gazing up to the sky at night, can change ones perception. And I will encourage people to stop looking at their phone or laptop for a while and look at the sky. God gives us this captivating nature to look at, and it will be a pity if didn't enjoy it.
"Before we invented civilization our ancestors lived mainly in the open out under the sky. Before we devised artificial lights and atmospheric pollution and modern forms of nocturnal entertainment we watched the stars. There were practical calendar reasons of course but there was more to it than that. Even today the most jaded city dweller can be unexpectedly moved upon encountering a clear night sky studded with thousands of twinkling stars. When it happens to me after all these years it still takes my breath away."
Cheerio!
No comments:
Post a Comment