More Rant. (Romantika dalam Gelap)

Hello y’all. Hari ini tanggal 30 April, which means tomorrow is the GR, and the day after tomorrow is the D-day. *Musik rada horor* Yap, mencekam adalah salah satu hal yang bisa mendeskripsikan situasi dan perasaanku saat ini. Karena this is my first time. EVER. I did felt a little tug on (supposedly) my heart, but I handled it by ignoring the feeling, hoping that it would get away sometime, but now I can feel the nudging sensation is getting stronger every second. And it’s getting worse because I have to wait until the show started and I don’t like to wait. It sucks! 

Anyway, tadi gw sempet ngomongin perasaan gw, dan entah kenapa serasa ngga bener-bener ditanggepin. I mean, I’m not complaining, karena emang ga ada juga yang bisa dilakukan mengenai itu. Tapi, oh God entah kenapa gw GR banget kalo dia memberikan gw semangat hanya dengan simple gesture. It may seems like it was just a simple gesture to you, but it’s a big, no scratch that, HUGE thing for me. Gw mendadak semangatnya kaya abis minum air di healing-well, bisa nambah semangat hidup. <3

Ada banyak banget kekurangan yang ada dalam diri gw regarding this play, I hope gw bisa menampilkan my best. Dan kebetulan sekali besok my dear Natasha bakal audisi untuk err, enrolment something, univ? School? Idk for sure pokonya penting buat dia, dan kami sudah berkali-kali saling menyemangati. Gw nyemangatin audisinya dia, dia nyemangatin play gw. :D

Mungkin cukup sekian yang bisa gw ucapkan hari ini. Gw bener-bener nervous dan hal yang membantu gw keep calm secara drastis cuma q. Karena pas stupen pun hal yang menenangkan gw dia, walaupun dia melakukannya secara tidak sadar. HA! Intinya, siapapun yang baca ini, tolong doain kelancaran pementasan kami.

DOAKAN KAMI! 

Ciao y'all.

Full Fandom (with minor q) Ranting. Sherlock & STID

Okay, first off, I've got my new 3TB hard disk which currently still sitting on my desk untouched because I have to install things and I don't think I can handle it right now, maybe later, but I soo excited with it. 3TB means 6 times bigger than my mums and I bought it myself! Ha! Eventhough I have to starve for the next few days, but.. I'm all good now! YAAY! *Happy dance*

Let's move on to the next topic. Sherlock. I wanna say that I love Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss and I know they're the best and I support all of their decision. YEAH even the one decision that destroyed my hope that in this Sherlock Holmes, I will not see John married to a woman. I KNOW I'm a bit delusional, but for fuck sakes it's because of the rumour that has been flooding around that says that they aren't going to cast Mary because there are NO MARY in this series. *sad face* I know I''m horrible. I mean I realised that Johnlock (even though it's obvious) isn't going to happen, but at least my misery will be a lighter if there's no Mary. BUT... As soon as I know who's gonna play Mary, my feelings change! OF COURSE I'M DELIGHTED TO HAVE AMANDA TOBE MARY. I have a really soft spot for that cutie.

FSDAHLGFSFLGJS FUCKKKK. I JSYT LOGGD INTO IMDB AND SAW THIS

Sherlock (TV series)
Mary Morstan

– The Empty Hearse … Mary Morstan (rumored)

I MEAN LIEK. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? THE EMPTY HEARSE? NOT THE SIGN OF THREE? NO NO NO NO NOOOO--- *HEAD SPINNING SO FAST MY STOMACH COYLDN'T HELP IT ANY MROE* HFGADHSHDGKJDGAJKD
OKAY CALM DOWN BITCH *slapping myself* yeah, logically, I should have know that SHE IS GOING TO BE IN THE EMPTY HEARSNEOHMYGOD HSAGHGSAKH. YES BECAUSE THE SHOOTING OF TEH SIGHN OF THREE JYST STARTED A COUPLE DAYS AGO AND I KNEW THAT SHE IS IN FACT HAS ALREADY ON THE SET SINCE (idk err...) NEARLY THE END OF THE EMPTY HEARSE SHOOTING? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THAT SHOCKED. (well of course because I read the book and John met Mary for the for the first time in The Sign of Four so SHE SHOULD MEET JOHN IN THE SIGN OF THREE, RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?)

dfkhagdhagdsgjha ANYWAY! That isn't the thing that I want to rant about. This is about my disappointment for (a small group in) my fandom. I thought that we're an civilised human being, and from my point of view, bullying Amanda ISN'T! Yeah, I know that we're a very very veryyyyy large huge big gigantic enormous fandom, certainly there will be some people who will be find something that they didn't like, but for god sake SHUT UP. If you want to speak your mind, then go ahead, but don't try to bully someone like that. It's just.. it wasn't very nice okay. Not good! I'm ashamed. AND Mark's partner's, Ian tweet just make it worse. It's about how delusional Johnlockian for thinking that Johnlock is really going to happen. (well, his tweet was a bit more subtle than that). Anyway I think I got made myself clear that I support them in a way most fans could only do: waiting patiently and accepting every decision they make about the series. And I do believe that I'm not that really good at waiting, so I can only focusedon the second thing. And to be honest I think it'll be great judging by the (spoiler) #setlock that appeared on my twitter timeline (yes, I'm not proud of myself that I succumb to open the link, but IT WAS RIGHT THERE??? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SHUT OFF THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD THAT CALLING ME *mocking tone* gitaa~ giiiitaaa~) HAH! Back to the point. It will be great. Amanda Abbington will be great, Mark, Steven, and Steve's writings are gonna be awesome, Martin baby is going to be magnificent, and my dear honey Benny will be FCUKING UNBELIEVABLY FLAWLESS.

UH UH UH!!! Speaking of Benny darling's movie, STID. It look amazing. Oops. No, it was UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING, WITH NO DOUBT I WILL SPLATTERING MY OVARIES ALL OVER THE PLACE IN THE CINEMA AND WILL BE AT ALL TIME HAVING AN EARGASM WHENEVER MY BABY'S SPEAKING..... yeah, that's more like it. I mean, siriusly, I've been browsing through youtube and find bits and snippets of the movie and it WAS ALL FANTASTICO! And Benny's voice. Hmm. I can get off simply from hearing his voice speaking in his John Harrison character. Deep, baritone, sexy, mindfucking voice. It almost sounds like he purred most of the time. And MY GOD HIS FACE. God, HOW COULD YOU CREATE SUCH A HANDSOME CREATURE LIKE HIM? His face doesn't help at all. I'm pretty sure from 5/6 STID clips that I watch I made gagging noise because my lust for him just choke me. Choking me like an artichoke (? Git, please.... *pleading face then shaking her head*) OKAY. I mean, how could you not get turned on by sexy and superbadass villain with sexy deep baritone voice? Anyway, I should bring emergency underwear to the cinema, you know, in case I can't hold it anymore. I know myself better that Ben's voice is not healthy for my pants.

I can't not express how excited I am to watch the movie. Oh I can't wait for the premier. OH premier.... *day dreaming* my Benny darling will be the one that look incredibly dashing that other people turn into gravels. He'll wear that suit and combed his hair back. He's going to look amazing, his face is going to look amazing, his hair is going to look amazing, his body is going to look tempting (? LOL), his clothes is going to look amazing, and his arse are going to look amazing! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE PHOTOGRAPH FROM THE PREMIER. :3

Anyway, I just found out that it's neither 9 May nor 17 May, the release date is 15 MAY. 9th was the release date in UK and 17th was in US.. So, 15!! It's is really convenient for me, because, first of all, my director just confirmed that we will be back from the show in 20th and you know how the story gonna end if it released at 9th? I'm too tired then I'm gonna postponed it until it the end. 15th May is good! Not too crowded but not too late (if i watch it on 21st). AND OH I'M GOING TO SAVE MY MONEY SO I CAN WATCH IT TWICE. I SWEAR I'M GOING TO WATCH IT TWICE!! Or even three times!

Lastly, I just want to stop putting label on my feeling toward q, because HELL idk if I just like him, love him, obesessed with him, adore him, fangirling at him, or just confused, because I swear to God watching him giggles turn my insides into hundred thousands of butterflies that whirrling in my stomach, and yet I didn't really............. AH never mind that! POKONYA LONGLIVE CUMBERLORD!

OH I JUST REMEMBER. I... am starting to love Benedict all over again. The way it excite me when I heard someone mentioned him, the way his face makes me smile, the way I get extra defensive whenever I heard someone bad mouthing him. The proud moment when you can bragged about him. Everything! <3 Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch


KAY, LONG LIVE AND PROSPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

q. Rant. Fangirl. Not necessarily in that order.

Yo, sudah berkali-kali gw berniat untuk memposting sesuatu, namun internet BSR seperti biasa being a bitch dan udah berkali-kali juga postan gw ilang gara-gara internetnya tiba-tiba crash dan ngga bisa retrieve post yang gw mau post dan akhirnya honey lah yang kena sasaran kemarahan: dicacimaki di slammed shut, di tinggalkan begitu saja. (kasian honey *ngelus-ngelus honey*)

Anyway, gw baru aja ngechat sama temen zaman smp. Ngechat dan ngeskype. Demi Neptunus hal ini membuat gw semakin kangen dengan masa SMP, yang kebetulan banget sehari sebelomnya gw abis ngerant di twitter about how much I miss my junior high school friends. (Or is it just a coincident?) hmm, mungkin aja gw abis kangen banget sama temen-temen jaman smp terus tadi liat dia ol makanya jadi berhasrat untuk ngeskype. *nods* possible.

Ah, iya, gw mau menceritakan sedikit tentang kegiatan kampus. Tepatnya sih kegiatan perteateran. I love, and I do mean it when I say LOVE, theatre. It seems scary at first but once you got a hold of this thing, you gotta love it. I do love joining this play, but by GOD jam pulangnya selalu membuatku bermasalah dengan satpam asrama. Well, sebenernya bisa sih izin pulang duluan, tapi kayanya ga enak kalo terlalu sering. Mau nginep, ngga enak nginep terus. Mau malkun/nongkrong sampe pagi juga kayanya ngga sehat dan seringkali besoknya kuliah pagi. GW BUTUH NYARI KOSAN YANG DUAPULUHEMPATJAMBUKA.



Terus, balik lagi topik yang sudah lama hot banget di blog gw. q.

Gw baru menyadari kenapa gw kayanya ngga berbuat banyak demi kelanjutan cerita q setelah bercerita dengan seseorang. Sebut saja bunga bangkai, yang kemudian menceritakan kalo dia sedang berada dalam situasi yang sama dengan gw. Dalam percakapan itu gw menyadari bahwa:

I'm not some sort of pathetic human being. I just like him, but I'm not planning to do anyhthing about this feeling, not because of the word 'off market' (oke 50%, but---), because it also felt nice to have someone that you like and don't have any expectation on him. Sejenis hubungan gw sama Benedict Cumberbatch. Hubungan yang sangat one-sided, but I liked it! Gw bisa adore him from afar or hangout with him, tapi ga harus memaksa diri keep up dengan semua kabar terbaru dia.

Wait gw ngomong apaan sih?

Pokonya intinya kaya gw suka Ben. Gw bisa aja nyimpen foto Ben, nonton film Ben, dengerin suara Ben, tapi toh gw ngga pernah berusaha untuk ngirim fanmail ke Ben. Dan ngga juga gw berharap si Ben putus sama pacarnya (dulu waktu dia masih punya pacar). Gw bisa aja ngorek sana sini nanyain kabar Ben dari temen-temen fangirl, but that's the line, gw ngga pernah berusaha menghubungi Ben lewat fanmailnya. Nor do I wish that someday Ben bakalan dateng ke kamar gw dan nyium kening gw dan akhirnya ngajakin gw nikah kemudian we drive off to the sunset. *ngapus iler* oke, yang terakhir sih gw berharap kaya gitu kalo ke Ben, tapi yakinlah sumpah gw ngga berharap kaya gitu ke q.

Ya, bisa disimpulkan dari sini bahwa pada akhirnya gw mengerti, gw mungkin bukan suka sama q, gw cuma fangirling toward him. Kenapa bisa dibilang fangirling? Pertama: gw memang mengagumi dia. Dua: Gw ngga pernah ngerasa jadi health inspector. Which is one of the thing that puzzled me at first. Gw kalo sayang seseorang pasti bakalan jadi health inspector. Ini boro-boro jadi health inspector, gw malahan jadi ikutan ga sehat. Tiga: gw mencontoh dia, in a similar way dengan gw mencontoh Benedict. Empat: gw lebih berkeinginan untuk ngajak dia diskusi daripada showing my affection toward him. Lima: Gw sering banget ngerasa dia cute banget sama pacarnya dan I always pray for them to be together forever. And six: the question 'did you really fall in love with him, or did you just love the idea of falling in love with him?' which always slapped me in the face. Gw ngga bisa langsung jawab pertanyaan itu. Ngga bisa langsung jawab karena deep down gw udah tau jawabannya apaan. Hooh gitulah kira-kira.



By the way BBC is great, still mad with Merlin's ending, but I'm feeling happy because they've start filming Sherlock and DW's 50th Anniversary is on the way. AND FOR GOD SAKES THEY MANAGE TO GET BILLIE!!! I thought Billie said she'll not returning in 50th. BUT I'M HAPPY!!! OH AND FOR GOD SAKE STID IS ON THE CINEMA STARTING 9 MAY. THAT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT BLASTED SHOW (sorry, penbes, ga blasted ko, it's just an expression) AND I CAN FEEL THAT MY STOMACH IS GROWLING IN HAPPY. I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE SOME PHOTOGRAPH FROM THE SET. (SHERLOCK SET) DERPY PHOTO FROM BOTH MARTIN FREEMAN, 42 YEARS OLD MAN WITH GRAPES ON HIS EYES AND BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, 36 YEARS OLD MAN WITH HANDSFREE ON HIS EYES. MARK GATISS BEING THE TROLL HE ALWAYS HAS. FORGODSAKES SOMEONE NEED TO PUT ME ON MEDICATION, IT'S NOT HEALTHY TO FANGIRL THIS MUCH IN THIS SUCH A SHORT TIME. AND ALSO I NEED A TOTAL REWATCH OF HIMYM, TORCHWOOD, DOCTOR WHO, SUPERNATURAL, HARRY POTTER, THE WALKING DEAD, MERLIN ANYTHING IN MY HARD DISK ACTUALLY. AH OH AND NEWS REGARDING HARDDISK, I'M CURRENTLY ORDERING A 3TERABYTE HARD DISK SO I CAN RETURN THIS 500GB ONE TO MUM. OH HEAVEN......................

I don't really know what am I typiing here. Just want to post something before the internet did it again. Now I really need to sleep. Happy Monday Morning folks.

A little note from earlier this month

Ah, gw baru inget, salah satu alasan gw kenapa gw mau ngepost disini adalah kemaren gw abis mengeluarkan statement yang kurang tepat kepada salah satu temen gw. Hal itu gw lakukan karena dia bilang dia ngga punya sumber kesedihan (buat pendalaman karakter sedih dalam suatu tarian) hmm, jadi sebenernya hal yang gw sampein ke dia itu bener. Gw emang <i>sempet</i> kecewa sama dia, but that's it. Gw sekarang udah ngga merasa kecewa atau gimana gitu sama dia. The only purpose kenapa gw ngasih tau itu ke dia karena dia butuh motivasi sedih dan gw juga emang belom jujur sama dia tentang kekecewaan gw ke dia yang mengenai hal itu. Memang belom dapet momentnya aja.

Anyway, if you read this, I just want you to know that what you did while it hurt so much at that time, it made me look the other way. And in that other way, I found something. I learn somehing. And it made me happy. Ah, berhubung gw mau ngepost lagi, gw juga mau ngebahas lagi kalo gw baru aja nonton vid di youtube dimana BENEDICT STATE THAT HE ALREADY SIGN FOR FOURTH SEASON'S CONTRACT. AND BY GOD IT MEANS IT'S NOT OVER.

FOR FUCK SAKES I WANT TO JUMP IN CELEBRATION.

Oh iya, kemaren gw juga baru ngedownload the infamous 'Twist and Shout'. Gw masih mempersiapkan mental gw untuk menangis tersedu sedu, karena reviewnya di twitter bener-bener bikin gw khawatir kalo ini bakalan end up kaya 'AOTW'. Lagian this is the second or third Destiel fic yang gw mau baca. sdfhghjfgjksdgfjksdgfkjgsdjkfgsdjk setengah penasaran, setengah ngga mau mati karena kebanyakan nangis.

btw, sekarang gw dipanggil ke G100 buat diskusi RDG yang akan berlangsung pada tanggal 2 Mei nanti. fuck kurang dari 3 minggu. jdhfghgfhgdfhjsghj yep, kalo gitu gw bakal menyudahi hal ini saja. byeee---

Aftermath: q

Hello. Saya kembali mencoba untuk menulis di blog ini sekali lagi pada bulan ini. Sebenarnya gw udah pernah nulis postan ini, namun seperti biasa BSR's internet is being a bitch and it cost me a very lenghty post. (there there, jangan sedih Git)

First of all, gw ingin membahas sesuatu yang menyenangkan dulu, yaitu Sherlock. Sebenernya Sherlock udah mulai shooting bulan Maret lalu dan gw pun sudah sempet menulis panjang lebar mengenai kebahagiaan gw, namun karena satu dan dua hal akhirnya gw ngga jadi ngepost. And then I watch this beautiful and epic vids in youtube where theguardian interviewed Steven Moffat, Mark Gatiss, and Andrew Scott about Sherlock Season 3 it was a video released August last year and good GOD I almost wet my pants when Andrew said it should have been 7 years and not 18 month. I want them to know that I'll haunt them for the rest of their life if I died before I watch the next season.

Anyway perut gw sering mendadak sakit waktu buka twitter account fangirling terus tiba-tiba ngeliat tweet about Sherlock. Sedihnya gw sering pengen dapet teaser atau something like photo from the set, but I don't want a spoiler. I did have a new Benny photo from the set, but it only showed Benny's neck. I'M DYING TO SEE A SPOILER BUT DON'T WANT TO RUINNED THE SUSPENSE. JHAGDDSLAGJJ FANGIRL GALAU!

By the way, ditinjau dari judulnya yang The Empty Hearse (adaptasi The Empty House) hearse yang di maksud disini adalah HEARSE MOBIL JENAZAHNYA SHERLCOIDSOUKOHSDFKHDFBK. or. If they want to add new twist for this series, Jim's hearse too (hal ini didukung dengan video yang gw omongin diatas, kenapa juga Andrew Scott tau endingnya season 3?) BUT THAT'S NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE. THEY ARE TOO MUCH OF SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE'S FANS TO DEFY THE CANON. (Who knows, Git, they're such a troll, they work in mysterious ways) yeah, mysterious my arse, I know in the end they'll make us fangirl cry so hard we could drown ourselves in our tears (possibly a blood tears). Such a dacryphilia that I grant you.

Oh yeah, I haven't finish reading the first series of Sherlock book and I'm not intended to read it until this year's Christmas. I could be reading Sherlock sooner, but I WILL NOT READ 'The Empty House' before I watch Sherlock, because I don't want spoiler. FEEEKKK. I WANT TO GO TO LONDON AND FEEEEKKKK. ICANT EVEN. Pengen banget bahas Sherlock tapinya ngga nikmat banget kalo belom tau apa-apa tentang Sherlock tapi udah ranting, nanti ga bener informasinya salah, malu pula. Tapi kalo baca ngga suka, nanti spoiler. :<

Intinya sebenernya pengen baca spoiler buat Sherlock, TAPINGGA MAU SPOILER JUGA SIHHH. NGSJAGDIJHFGJDFGKSFG TAKUTNYA NGGA SERU. Tapi masa pesimis banget sih sama Sherlock? Kan Sherlock itu amazing sekali gw udh baca A Study In Scarlet aja masih kebat-kebit nonton A Study In Pink. :< PENGEN TAPI NGGA PENGEN. BOYOOOOT.
(Git boyot banget jadi galau cuma gara-gara Sherlock <INI BUKAN CUMA PERSOALAN BIASAA >)

LOOK AT THIS QUOTES

“We made a decision right from the get-go that he would not do disguise in the traditional sense,” Gatiss says. “He actually has a line in ‘The Great Game’ which is ‘The art of disguise is knowing how to hide in plain sight’ and that was because, right from the start, I thought modern day Sherlock Holmes would not put putty noses on, he would basically be standing behind you now and you wouldn’t know he was there. Ben [Cumberbatch] has put on various costumes, but it’s more about being invisible.”

– Mark Gatiss on the reappearance of Sherlock in series 3

GW MAU MATI BACANYA. ARTINYA JOHN BAKALAN DIKASIH LIAT SHERLOCK IN PLAIN SIGHT TAPI NGGA NYADAR KALO ITU SHERLOCK, MY GOD GW PASTI BAKALAN TERIAK TERIAK NONTONNYA. FAKDNADHASKLDHALFGAK;HKN MDFHSGLJKFJ MARK THE KING OF TROLLL DAVDHJLGSHKDGHJ

AND ANOTHER QUOTES FROM MARK GODTISS

 “I always found it a little unlikely that Dr Watson’s only reaction was to faint for instance – as supposed to possibly a stream of terrible swear words.”

DAN MEMANG SEHARUSNYA JOHN NONJOK SHERLOCK. NGGA ADIL KALO SI JOHN CUMA PINGSAN BLABLABLA. AFTER THROWING PUNCHES TO HIM, HE OUGHT TO FUCK SHERLOCK HARD AND LONG.

PENGEN BUNUH ORANG. KENAPA SHERLOCK NGGA CEPET-CEPET DI AIRED SIH? Ah, no wait, kadang menunggu adalah salah satu alasan kenapa gw puas banget nonton Sherlock. Karena gw berhasil menahan diri untuk terlalu freaking out ngga nonton Sherlock. ENVEN THOUGH THIOS ISN'T REALLY COUNT AS SOMETHING YOU COULD SAY 'NOT-FREAKING-OUT' FEEEKKK. 

TOO MUCH SPECULATION AND I CAN'T HANDLE GOING THROUGH THIS SHIT EVERYTIME SOMETHING REMIND ME OF SHERLOCK. AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT IT HAPPENED LOTS OF TIME, PARTLY BECAUSE I STILL WRITING FANFICS AND ALSIO BECAUSE I HAPPENED TO USE SHERLOCK'S SKIN ON MY PHONE. AND I JSUT WANT TO POINT OUT THAT IN A COUPLE MONTH THERE WILL BE MASSIVE BLOOD ON MY WALL. BECAYUSE MY OVARIES COULDN'T HANDLE THE FEELING, I HOPE I COULD BE MORE CALM BUT I CAN'T.

Oh, yeah, berhubung judul post hari ini aftermath: q, gw juga bakalan ngebahas q.
Yes, frekuensi gw untuk uring-uringan tiap liat his reactions ke 'dia' sudah mulai berkurang.
Yes, gw udah jarang ngerasain butterflies on my stomach.
But no, gw masih suka q.